Several years have passed since my family
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stopped exchanging presents at Christmas time
It's a declaration I'll never forget, on a Saturday in December so very long ago. As Mom and I navigated Target, we were weary, our cart was full, and the to-buy list was still terribly long. She turned to me and simply said
“We're never doing this again.”
And just like that, it was so
Admittedly going cold-turkey at Christmas seemed foreign, even blasphemous, so we tried to ease ourselves into it. For a year or two, the adults exchanged books, and we bought kids a little something to open. But eventually gave ourselves permission .. to stop
In lieu of presents at Christmas time, deciding it was more fun to set that money aside and splurge a bit on one-off events with the kids during the year.
On Christmas day instead, we gather together as a family, along with a few close friends, and enjoy the greatest gift, that of
togetherness
Maybe it's because I'm more aware, but it seems so many places I go there are rumblings of how people are worn thin this time of year.
For some, it's the madness of a consumerist Christmas, with the endless sales and blinking advertisements. For others, it's the rush of dinners, parties, and expectations. Celebrations that often leave us feeling frenzied, rather than dazzled.
I hear stories from those that are anxious because of family drama and old memories. The kinds of things that can surely bring tense shoulders and biting fingernails as they wait for the shoe to drop
I think too of those who are navigating the holiday season grieving a loss, knowing there will be one less place setting around the table. How difficult that must be
Every year at this time, especially when I hear the weariness of others, I think back on that fateful day and am so very thankful for her wisdom.
While there's no way she could have fully realized it at the time, what my Mother gave her family was the most beautiful of gifts. Decembers filled peace, a season (and a family) that's protected.
A lifetime of holiday quiet and space to enjoy lots of silent nights, midnight clears, and peace-on-earths
So this year, at our house, the calendar is (sort of) wide open.
My husband and I have been going on dates, wearing our fuzzy slippers, building fires, eating comfort foods, and discovering new Pandora stations filled with Christmas music. I've also been doing quite a bit baking — cookies for cookie exchanges, extended family gatherings to share with friends and neighbors.
Oatmeal cookies have long been a family favorite. The chewiness, hearty texture, and nuttiness of the oats, along with chopped dark chocolate and pecans are such a great twist on a classic
These are thick enough, but not too much so. Overly thick oatmeal cookies can sometimes turn dry. At the same time, they're not too thin, which for some, paper-thin cookies may not be a favorite
Instead, they're just right
Enjoy!
xoxo
ps: The secret to a really good cookie? Let the dough rest 72 hours before baking your cookies .. here
pps: Note from Ali: This post originally appeared in December 2015, and it's one of my favorite stories for the holidays. I originally set out to update the photos but decided an updated post was in order, for those who maybe haven't ventured through the archives
— — —
~ Adapted from Food52
Oatmeal Cookies with Dark Chocolate and Nuts
Ingredients
- 5 oz unsalted butter, at room temperature
- 1 tsp fine-grain sea salt
- 5 oz natural sugar (Sugar in the Raw or Turbinado) - or brown sugar
- 4 oz fine-grain natural cane sugar
- 1 large egg, at room temp
- 1 tsp vanilla
- 8 oz whole wheat pastry flour (or spelt flour)
- 1 tsp baking powder
- 1 tsp baking soda
- 2 oz old-fashioned rolled oats
- 2 oz pecans, roughly chopped
- 2 Tbsp golden flax seeds
- 10 oz dark chocolate, rough-chopped
Instructions
- In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, add the butter, sugars, and salt. Cream until they're until well-incorporated and airy.
- Add the egg and vanilla.
- Beat until the mix resembles the texture of a smooth buttercream.
- Add the flour, baking soda, and baking powder and mix on a low until just combined.
- Using your hands, fold in oats, pecans, flax seeds, and shaved dark chocolate.
- Roll into balls (~ 3 oz in size), then chill dough for at least 30 minutes. (The longer you chill it, the less it will spread during cooking. (I chill mine at least 24 hours, preferably 72 hours)
- Preheat oven to 350° F.
- Bake for 15 to 16 minutes, then let them sit on the pan for 10 minutes before transferring to a cooling rack.
- Note: they won't look done when you take them out of the oven, but the residual heat from the pan will give them just the right amount of gooey-ness as they rest.
66 Comments
Yes to these cookies, Ali! The chocolate in splinters and slivers means many melty mouthfuls of yumminess. I also like to slightly pulverize the oats and nuts into smaller bits, which gives the cookie a truly nutty flavor. I bet these would also be great for ice cream sandwiches. I know people make them in the summer, but they’re one of my kid’s favorite things so we also make them during the holidays.
I love freshly baked cookies, the combination of oatmeal and dark chocolate is so good. I think everyone has the right to do the holiday the way they like. I personally love gifting. I don’t like drama and fortunately those that have tended to create it have weeded themselves out.
Christmas is my favorite holiday and I love giving gifts. I also love keeping traditions alive that have passed from one generation to the next and making new ones as well. It can get hectic, but I try to remember, above all else, the true reason for the season.
Yes, being together is so much more important than giving stuff! I just prefer to be with the people I love. Yum, I cannot wait to start making some cookies. Next week I’ll be making sugar cookies with buttercream frosting with my mom and kids! That’s togetherness we enjoy.
I am so bad at baking oatmeals cookies. That’s why I gave up. Maybe giving it a try this year, although I don’t know. We stopped celebrating Christmas which took a lot of stress away. Instead, we just go on trips and get nice dinner at a restaurant 🙂
Cookies! I never knew about letting the dough rest. Do you do that in the fridge?
I agree, we haven’t done gift exchanges with the family in years. It is just so much more enjoyable to just be together.
Good for your family not going into debt anymore for Christmas. Just getting together and enjoying each other is the real gift. Your cookies look delicious.
Hi there! I can totally understand the fact of not giving away presents anymore. I always feel like that it would be so much nicer to simply buy something for whoever whenever it feels right – why waiting for Christmas if I see something that I really would like to give to a specific person? Great read, thank you!
I have this theory about gifts . . . my brothers and I are the same. We were agreement to not exchange gifts – unless they were “heart-felt” long ago. When I got married, I was inundated with the gift giving – it was WAY overboard, and so not heart-felt- at all. I liken it to the exchange of crap and cash(the gifts were junk and not heart-felt and it was like my husband’s family looked on the sale racks to just be able to say – we bought you a gift, now where is mine). Really, it was so gross. I slowly have put a stop to it over the almost two decades my husband and I have been married. But, I am now considered “the scrooge”, but I’ll gladly take that title!
I totally get it. Sometimes the holidays exhaust me. In our family, though we still exchange gifts, we try and enjoy our time together too. Stories, laughter, food. I guess the key is not forgetting that Christmas is so much more than the presents under the tree.
I definitely agree with that philosophy , this will be the first time in two years that I will actually be celebrating Christmas and this year I am feeling anxious because of all the gifts I have to buy when I don’t have money. I like the idea of just buying for the kids or simply having the gift of togetherness. Because that is a truly magical feeling x I can imagine you all enjoying these oatmeal cookies as a family, its definitely a great way to capture the Christmas spirit.
Oatmeal cookies are my favourite – especially when they’re loaded with extras. Yum.
It was really interesting reading about your approach to Christmas.
These would be great to enjoy on a silent night. I bet they would be great with hot chocolate.
Christmas is one of my favourite times of the year and I love giving gifts to family and friends. Sometimes though I think it would be easier to to stop and simply enjoy each others company too so I like your idea of just being with family without the presents.
This is so refreshing and something we are thinking of doing too – giving presents and receiving them just feels so ‘false’. It’s because we buy stuff all year round when we want it and actually we are done with ‘things’ cluttering up the home and just want time. Back to basics. x
It must have been strange going from buying presents to not. I can’t imagine not exchanging presents with my family x
This was refreshing to read. I give you and your family a lot of credit for stopping the gift exchanging. After all, that’s not at all what it’s about! Togetherness is always the most important.
We don’t go all out at Christmas, mostly we just like to spend time together but we do still do presents, not a huge amount but little thing that are useful.
Yes everyone gets focused on gift giving and toys! While I love to give people gifts, I also appreciate the true meaning of the season. I am working on instilling the importance of the season in my kids.
Yum! My dad loves oatmeal cookies and these will be perfect to bring on Christmas morning. A cookie tip for you: In “Cookwise”, Shirley O. Corriher has a description of how to alter cookie recipes to get them thick, thin, or in between. It’s a subtle tinkering and nobody else has ever made it make sense to me before. Highly recommend!
In recent years, the gift giving has tapered down a lot. I think it’s important to spend more time with family and friends than just focus on gift giving. I love the recipe. Definitely will bookmark it to make and gift as gifts to the building staff.
Wow, that’s quite a major decision but actually, if I didn’t have kids, I’d be with you – I don’t need anything else, although, maybe just a small selection of chocolates and a new bubble bath and I’d be happy 🙂
My husband is a minister, and he preached a message on consumerism just a few weeks ago. We told our daughter that she could put four items on your Christmas wish list. We have also stopped exchanging gifts at some of our extended family. We are slowly trying to take back he basis of Christmas where it is about being together.
My husband and I also don’t exchange any gifts because of we don’t want to participate any materialistic world that we live in. And also we don’t need EXTRA of any THING in our life. Christmas should be gathering with family eating good homemade food and share time together. I love your blog!
Just the act of getting together as a family is really special. It’s nice to always have that time each year. These cookies sound wonderful!
Honestly this is what Christmas should really be about. I love being with family, watching Christmas specials and just having a good laugh.
Ali, I have to tell you how much I love your site. I wish I’d had this recipe last week when I was busy baking for the cookie exchange at church. Your writing is so entertaining and engaging. The photos are always quite lovely and their quality speaks for itself. Bravo!
It’s never about the gifts under the tree but it’s really about being together with family. Sometimes it just takes some families a little bit longer to realize that.
Indeed I too feel that Christmas is just a chance to blink those ads of the deals, discounts and lure more and more people into buying numerous things for the sake of presents. Somehow, it doesn’t go well with me, i feel this is a madness and we are doing so much harm to our own money, to environment and are encouraging cluttering. We have somewhere lost the true essence of Christmas, which involved coming together of a family, spending times with the ones we love, sharing one dinner table, talking and spreading joy and laughter. I’m so happy that you switched to this!
I don’t mind the gifts part of it. There is something so much fun about finding the perfect gift for somebody! I love teaching my kids the joy of giving.
Christmas can be intense and very gift focused so it’s great to see some yummy simple cookies amidst the Christmas shopping fever x
At first, reading your first times I thought to myself, oh, that must be so sad. But then again I realised that I haven’t been exchanging presents with my family for a long time now. I used to get my grandmother a gift every year and she would always look surprised, even if she knew I would do it. But after she died, for a while, I simply stopped getting gifts. Now, it’s been 5 years since I have only give a gift to my boyfriend, and this is always a highlight for me, as I don’t celebrate Christmas and we are never together for the holidays as I am away traveling all the time, trying to heal from the death of my grandmother. Giving him his gift makes me feel good though, it makes me anxious and happy looking at his expression unwrapping the paper and discovering what’s in the box. Cause it’s always something thoughtful. I don’t give other gifts, but his is always special.
We always celebrate Christmas in the traditional way and it seems each year we have decided to give less and less. When my daughter was little we gave her so many gifts, mainly because we did not get any when we were kids so we were kind of making up for it but now she gets only a few really nice ones. We give each other gifts no matter how many times I tell my husband I don’t want to buy anything he insists so I usually buy him something too. After moving to Iowa we have not been as religious so Christmas just does not really mean the same thing as it used to for us when we regularly went to church. We have tried out 10 plus churches so far and none of them are what we are looking for so we just stopped going, when we visit Chicago we attend services but that just isn’t enough. It seems like we need to get back to trying out new ones again, thanks for the reminder.
As our kids get older I am finding that we are spending more and more on gifts and STUFF and I hate it. I told my husband that next year I want to focus on experiences rather than gifts and things. It will be a learning year for the kids for sure but I think we will all be happier.
And now, I want freshly baked oatmeal cookies!! YUM!
That’s a thoughtful post and it’s kind of true as well. Not just Christmas but all the other significant days like Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, valentine’s Day and hat not are reduced to days to give gifts which basically means forcing people to buy things and pay less attention to nurturing the relationships that are more important that gifts!
Christmas is a great time of year and we enjoy advent and going to church, spending time with family and also buying thoughtful gifts. Everything in moderation. It is once a year.
If you’ll believe it, Ali, I went online in desperate search for an oatmeal cookie recipe and thought:
“Where am I going to look? Ali never posted one, and she’s my go-to for recipes that I trust to turn out” So I checked, and low-and-behold there they were. So I’m headed to the grocery to buy the ingredients now 🙂
We have been moving toward less presents every year. I can tell you the kids were easier about it that I thought they would be.
Wow! What an amazing perspective! I grew up in a different country. Although we celebrate Christmas, gift-giving and exchanges were not part of our custom. We use the moment to celebrate time together and enjoy each other’s company. I really love that you use the fund on a one-off event with family. I use the holiday sales to load up on year-long essentials.
These look soooo delicious! I would love to make these, however, I can’t eat Pecans so I would probably replace them with peanuts! Great post and love the pictures you’ve included! So many people forget about the importance of being with family and friends and Christmas brings us all together in such a way that it should be more of a priority every year! I like the idea of making it less about giving materialistic items and more sharing emotional and sentimental few days together!
Your perspective is really valid. Over the years commercialization and hype have taken over Christmas and all other festivals and celebrations across the world. Somewhere in all this chaos the essence and spirit of the original festivals get lost. So heartening to see you return to the basics.
These remind me of the cookies my mom used to make when we were kids. Her best cookie advice? Cookies are done when they don’t “look done” (a tip from Alton Brown). They should just be brown around the edges, I think. Hers were chewy and crispy all at the same time, I’m pretty sure because of too much brown sugar (her favorite ingredient, ever) Yum!
Christmas season is one of the best season to splurge and many businesses take advantage of it. It is up to us consumers to control what we buy or give.
PS, baking is bacoming the tradition at home during Christmas season and we love it. My Mom who is a notorized frugal Mom never spends much during this season. And we like it.
I totally get you. My family stopped exchanging gift a few years ago. We experienced financial pressure a few years ago and gift shopping is just no fun if you are short on cash. Nowadays its fine again but we stopped expecting gift from each other. Although I like to keep on giving small presents once in a while. It feels great to give the people i love presents. Especially because I know I am not expected to do it 🙂
For me to avoid the Christmas rush, I start shopping early, around August. And most importantly, I keep to my list. No impulse buying, no extras, nothing. Once an item gets ticked of the list, that’s it. Extravagant gifts are a no–no, and my family (and the rest of my extended family) agrees. It is the thought that counts, the togetherness, and time spent with each other is what is more important. This Christmas, my cousins, siblings, and their spouses agreed we’d exchange gifts – only food items. I will be making lots of holiday cookies and homemade fruit jam. 🙂
This is my first comment to your blog after a few months of lurking and drooling over recipes. I made a batch of these cookies this evening, and they are quite possibly the most perfect oatmeal cookie ever! Grown-up taste, crispy outside, soft inside, and delicious. Thank-you!
Forgot to print the recipe. Good thing I was able to double check it. I am planning to add some sprinklers on the finished product to add some Christmas vibes to it.
I love giving gifts at Christmas and I don’t think it’s something we will ever stop. I love spending time choosing something I know someone will love. We do tend to buy experiences now though.
It can be a struggle at Christmas. Each year my list of people I need gifts for seems to have grown and I am now trying to reduce this where possible as it’s just too much to cope with sometimes. I of course make sure I get plenty for my little ones from Santa as I don’t want to ruin the magic of it all for them. The cookies look delicious i love the choc and nut combo.
Whilst I don’t think I could stop giving gifts at Christmas (especially for the kids) I love that you have totally moved away from the consumerism of it all. Christmas should be about spending time with friends and family not whats under the tree.
I certainly admire the ability to do a Christmas without thinking about consumption. I remember talking to my mother about what she should get for our daughter. And I told her I didn’t want stuff anymore. I wanted opportunities to do things with my daughter that weren’t centered around things. Sure the games or toys can be nice now and then. But experiences and togetherness are so much more important. And so I would love to feel like I had that. The only problem is competing expectations when my daughter’s parents are divorced so my daughter’s mother and myself find ourselves competing to get things. I hate that idea. I think it’s why I want to end the idea of Santa Claus and focus on the positive aspects and being a family. Ah well. Here’s hoping that Christmas is better than that. Oh and that oatmeal chocolate chip cookie totally reminded me of the ones my mom used to make growing up.
My favorite oatmeal cookie recipe hails from The Cook’s Bible by Christopher Kimball. He adds just a bit extra salt to his cookie. We don’t make them that often now that we’re trying to eat healthier. Your version, with the more whole ingredients, is on my holiday baking list. I will let you know, Ali, if we can stop at just one cookie or not – your photos make it look like stopping at just one cookie would be near impossible. xx
My birthday falls on 25th December so I have a blessing of celebrating my birthday with Christmas. I think there is nothing more important than spending time with your family and friends. Hand-written card or a DIY gifts make me happier than other materialistic things. I love this recipe of oatmeal cookies with dark chocolate and I am going to make a can of cookies and gift it to my brother, this Christmas. 🙂
I loved the line when you said you are enjoying the gift of togetherness. That is exactly what we do since we don’t celebrate Christmas. We friends gather at one place or go on vacation. I am excited about my girlfriend trip this Christmas. On the other hand, I love oatmeal and chocolate cookies, the only 2 cookies i eat. I love the combination of both. I am definitely making these
I would love to try and attempt to make these. knowing me, I would easily eat them all in one sitting haha
I love gift giving at Christmas and exchanging gifts and that is our tradition here since I am a kid and it’s our way to celebrate Christmas
I love giving gifts to loved ones, but we have a huge family, so it can get really expensive. Nowadays we all just buy for our parents and grandparents, and then we get each others kids a present each 🙂
Louise x
I love everything about Christmas, the family time and the season. I can respect your decision on not giving gifts out on Christmas Day. I always tell my husband I don’t need anything and let’s just care of the kids.
I’ve heard of a few people starting to do this and I think it’s a great idea so people remember what Christmas is really about – family!
Long time reader, first time, um, maker? I made these over the weekend and they were incredible! I love this blog – it gives me the extra push to try something delicious. 🙂
Amongst the sea of xmas blogs on what to buy, great gifts for kids, best gifts for travelers etc. this was so refreshing to read. It’s become such a consumerist holiday where people fall into debt for it, and it really leaves me appalled. It’s wonderful you celebrate togetherness with your family as thats what holidays are always about!
Hi Alison.
This was such a beautiful post. Christmas is one of my favorite holidays and a great time to spend with my family. I love that you and your family enjoy the gift of togetherness. Sometimes we forget that it’s not all about the gifts but about the time we spend with each other. Btw those cookies look sooo good!
Your mother has one beautiful soul! At our house, we still exchange a small gift. If others show up without anything then we are just as pleased to spend time with them regardless. My family (immediate and extended) has always been close and it has always been taught that family love comes first, the traditions, the pigging out together, and just bringing the essence of Christmas around us. If we had time to open our small gift, great. If not, that was fine and we just opened when we could. I can only hope that my children will carry on these values for many more generations to come. Excellent post and we all definitely need this reminder! ❤
We love exchanging gifts at christmas but refuse to be sucked into the chaos surrounding it all. The pressure on families to have a store bought idea of the perfect christmas is ridiculous. Christmas to us is about generosity, kindness and love, and I think some people forget what it’s all about. Your mum sounds very wise.
My family and i usually watch a Christmas movie on Christmas Eve and we open one gift! I’m vegan, do you have any suggestions to substitute the egg? I’d love to try this recipe
I love this, I think spending time together is always better than exchanging gifts. We only buy for the children, or maybe just a small present each. I’d rather save our money to enjoy a meal out together or a family day out!