Dear Z

April 9, 2017

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

Photo Credit: Instagram – @dailyharvest – “I Love You A Whole Lot – Don't You Seed It?”

“Thank-you God for such a beautiful day.  Please let it be a happy one at our house”

— — —

Dear Z, you came into my life (and heart) on a sunny spring day nine years ago.  A Saturday morning much like this one in fact.  A stop at the groomer, a quick trim of Wally's nails and then I'll be on my way.  Wait, now who is this cute little guy?

“An extra puppy from our latest litter.  He seems a bit, how do we say?  Slow”  

Two teenagers, one big career job, a new house, a rebuilding of a life

“Would you be willing to take him?  We know you'll give him a good home”

Their arms extended.  I accepted

Z – 12 Weeks Old – May 2008

Z – 12 Weeks Old – May 2008

Z – 12 Weeks Old – May 2008

You make me happy, when skies are grey

— — —

Little Z, you spilled happiness and joy into every area of our lives.  Like popcorn kernels exploding from a heated canister.

Around and around in circles, you went (always counter-clockwise).  This circling business?  It's something we were sure you'd out-grow.  Instead, it became your signature move.  For every step we took ..

you, my dear, took three

Time passed.  I rented the house, and moved away.  I maneuvered my way through wayward children.  I moved back, sold the house, meet my husband .. and began one of the happiest seasons of our lives

Through it all, you were you.  The happiest, kindest, most gentle soul anyone has ever known.  When we're tired, worried or anxious, you're always there with a smile, a snort, and a funny pug sneeze.  The sweetest spirit for cuddles, along with life lessons on perspective, perseverance, and vulnerability

“OK kid.  Your Dad took Harry and Sally to run errands.  Let's head out for a walk.  Now, what did I do with your leash?”

Your favorite little ledge.  You know the one, right after the tree that all the big dogs like to pee on?  That's hours of good sniffing right there.

When you hopped off this afternoon, I'm certain you were too excited to remember to put your feet out first.  Instead of landing as you always do, you hit your head.

A neighbor held you while I sprinted for the car

— — —

“Please God, I'll do anything.  Please God, just let him be ok”

Z – August 2016

Dear Sam - Sam and Little Z - September 17, 2016

Z with Baby Sam – September 17, 2016

You'll never know dear, how much I love you

— — —

Through it all, you always did your best to help out where you could

Nose wipes on the clean laundry?  Check

Best friend?  Check

Fridge clean-out?  Check. (Sure there's no extra cheese still left in there?)

Road trip?  Co-pilot at your service

Security.  Guarding the car at the grocery?  Keeping bunnies, squirrels and scary people at bay?  Check and check

Grandbabies to make smile?  Check

Dodging scary kitty cats?  Check

Nap time snuggler?  Check

Meet and greet at daycare?  Check

Big brother to 80 lb golden retrievers?  Check

Party animal?  Check

— — —

“Please God send Wally to help him pass to the other side.  I don't want him to feel alone or afraid”

Z – February 2015

Please don't take my sunshine away

It was just you and I on the drive to the hospital, little one.  I held you tight and went as fast as I possibly could.  Trying to stay calm, singing softly in your ear.  Knowing you were leaving this world, and telling me good-bye.

Not wanting it to be so

I sobbed in the waiting area, wishing I hadn't dropped my phone in the driveway.  Wishing I could think clearly enough to remember your dad's phone number. 2-3-0?  No, I'm sure it's 2-0-3.  I really have no idea

Soon he and I would walk together down the long hallway.  To the little room where we held you for the last time, gave you pets, said our final good-byes

Our hearts are breaking

— — —

“Thank you God, for giving him to me to love.  I hope I made you proud”

Dear Sam - JD, Markie and Sam

It's well into the wee hours of the morning as I type.  I'm snuggled, as I always am, under our favorite blanket.  The corner by my feet (his spot) is empty.  His soft snoring, silent.  His collar on my pillow.  Instinctively, I reach out to pet him and

he isn't there

Even though I know we'll be together again, for today, I so desperately want to have finished our walk

It's as simple, and as impossible, as that

“Love says ‘I love you.'

I love you if you're in China.  I love you if you're across town.  I love you if you're in Harlem (or Heaven)

I love you

I would like to be near you. I would like to have your arms (paws) around me. I'd like to hear your voice (bark) in my ear.  But that's not possible now.

So I love you .. and it's ok .. to go”     ~ Maya Angelou

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  • Reply Nita Pandit April 9, 2017 at 10:12 am

    ??? That must have been so hard for you. We will miss Z, and how he greeted everyone with reckless abandon and his tongue hanging out…….

    • Reply sexyveggie April 9, 2017 at 1:01 pm

      Oh Nita .. thank-you. Thank-you so very much

  • Reply Victoria Lola April 9, 2017 at 11:30 pm

    Awww….such a sweet little one. I’m sorry for your loss. Stay strong <3

  • Reply Viktoria April 10, 2017 at 2:50 am

    I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. Losing someone you love is never easy 🙁

  • Reply Paul & Jenifer April 10, 2017 at 7:51 am

    Dave and I have talked a few times about how much our pets mean to us. They don’t ask for much, but they steal our hearts. We are sorry to hear this news.

  • Reply emma white April 10, 2017 at 9:34 am

    oh no my heart goes out to you x wishing you love and peace for your coming months of learning to live without him

  • Reply Tamara April 10, 2017 at 9:34 am

    I am so so so sorry. That pain is so real to me. I know that feeling where you go to pet them and they’re not there. It’s too much sometimes. I’m happy you had many happy years together.

  • Reply Ana De- Jesus April 10, 2017 at 10:54 am

    I think people don’t realize how much the loss of a pet is akin to losing a friend. Like you said Z, (who was a precious beauty by the way) was there and was more than just a pet but a friend too. I am sorry for your loss, my aunt had a kitty called Lilly ‘Lindo’ we used to call him in Portuguese and he died on my 15th birthday when he was 15. He was a beautiful white Persian kitty with green eyes and she has never got another cat since. That was 8 years ago. Stay strong xx

  • Reply Celeste April 10, 2017 at 2:47 pm

    This is one of the most beautiful posts I have read lately. What a wonderful life Z had with you all and vice versa.

  • Reply kathryn Maher April 10, 2017 at 3:09 pm

    People don’t realise how much a part of our lives pets can become. They grow up with us and our children and become an important part of our life journeys and memories. Z gave you so much and in return you loved him dearly. May he rest in doggie heaven. X

  • Reply Kerri Olkjer April 10, 2017 at 5:23 pm

    Hugs. I’m so sorry. Loss of a pet is so hard. This is an absolutely beautiful post. Totally made me have a good cry. 🙂

  • Reply Sauumye April 10, 2017 at 5:39 pm

    Z is so cute. It must have been so hard for all of you. Pets can become such an important part of our lives and we don’t even realise it.

  • Reply lisalisa April 10, 2017 at 7:28 pm

    Wow, I am so sorry for your loss! It is very hard on everyone when something like this happens, I pray for you and your family. I love, love how you expressed about Z in this post…so BEAUTIFUL and the images are priceless!

  • Reply David Elliott April 10, 2017 at 8:23 pm

    Wow this is incredibly sad. I remember when I lost my dog Kimberly after 14 amazing years. I was so glad I wasn’t around and that she was with my parents when she passed. I don’t know that I could have taken it. :(. Sorry for your loss.

  • Reply Catvills April 10, 2017 at 11:33 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose a pet, because they are more than just domesticated animals. They are family! Our dog is so gentle with the kids. He’s now 4 (human) years old and he knows he is loved!

  • Reply Kiwi April 11, 2017 at 12:07 am

    Oh what a beautiful ode to your beloved pup. My condolences I know this post was written in love but still a little pain. I like that you added “You Are My Sunshine” lyrics throughout this post very touching.

  • Reply Shirley April 11, 2017 at 1:35 am

    This is so sad. Not long ago, I too lost a pet and it was one of the hardest things we’ve ever faced. I’m so very sorry for your loss x

  • Reply Rose Sahetapy April 11, 2017 at 10:49 am

    I’m sorry for your lost. Hope you find the courage in this sad time. I remember when l said goodbye for the last time to my dog. It’s heart broken moment.

  • Reply Tonya Wilhelm April 11, 2017 at 12:46 pm

    What a sweet dog and story. I am so sorry. It’s so hard saying goodbye to a family member. And pugs are great dogs!

  • Reply Emily April 11, 2017 at 1:24 pm

    Oh my goodness…I’m at work right now and I’m trying so hard to hold back the tears! I lost a pet years ago and it was so heart-breaking. They truly become part of the family! Sorry for your loss!

  • Reply Mal April 11, 2017 at 2:23 pm

    I’m terribly sorry for your loss. I can imagine what you’re feeling right now, as I’ve been in the same position a few years back. Try to find comfort in the fact that you were all his life and you gave him a loving, happy family and a good home.

  • Reply Lindsay Bozek April 11, 2017 at 3:55 pm

    Such a beautiful tribute! He must have been an amazing dog and it seems that you did everything you could to make his life awesome. So sorry for your loss.

  • Reply Censie Sawyer April 11, 2017 at 10:44 pm

    My heart. What a beautiful entry but it is heart wrenching. I am so sorry for your loss. He was a great pup I can tell from your words. Sending you comfort and love.

  • Reply Donna Ward April 12, 2017 at 2:59 pm

    I have tears in my eyes – loosing your little friend, Z. I am so sorry – We lost our dear Calvin in July (a Kerry Blue rescue) he passed in the night at 16 years old…Sounds like Z had a wonderfully sweet life and he was just the cutest – Big hugs

  • Reply Tania Potter April 14, 2017 at 1:23 am

    I am also in tears reading this. It is the most beautiful tribute to the life of a very precious being. The spirit of Z shines through in your words so powerfully, as does your love. It has reminded me of my own grief when Pebbles died suddenly last May. It takes time for the hole left in your life to heal and I’m just so sorry, Alison.

    • Reply sexyveggie April 14, 2017 at 1:30 am

      Thank-you Tania .. I appreciate your words more than I can say.

  • Reply Elizabeth O. April 15, 2017 at 8:52 am

    My hearts bleeds for you. I know how it feels and there’s a spot in your heart that will always be for Z. I’m sure he’s up there watching over you, making sure you’re okay.

  • Reply lex April 18, 2017 at 7:02 pm

    A DEEP AND TOUCHING TRIBUTE. NATURE HAS ITS WAYS SAME AS GOD. Z is sure watching over you.. Hugs from here ..

  • Reply Susana April 18, 2017 at 9:43 pm

    My heart aches for the pain you are going through. I know exactly how it is to lose a pet. I lost my beloved Mateus 3 years ago, and I had him for almost 14 years. He was the most smartest dog I had ever seen. He was a long haired chihuahua. I had him walk me down the aisle when I got married. I still cry about him til this day. I think sometimes the lose of a pet is almost more than a human. I still dream about Mateus til this day. Your furbaby will always look over you. Sending you big hugs xx

  • Reply Sarah Bailey April 27, 2017 at 1:35 pm

    My eyes are full of tears as I read this, and they are now slowly rolling down my cheeks. Losing a beloved pet, especially one who has seen you through so many years, is just devastating. I pray you find comfort in the coming time remembering all of the good times and knowing that one day you will be reunited.

  • Reply Chelsea Elizabeth April 28, 2017 at 3:18 pm

    I’m so sorry! Pets are a huge part of our family and I can’t begin to imagine what you’ve been through.

  • Reply Dana June 3, 2017 at 1:40 pm

    This is such a sweet tribute to your little pup. I’m sorry for your loss, it truly does seem like you gave each other a wonderful life.

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